One month she's been here, but it seems like forever.
We all love her so much, I can't describe it with words.
The blissful happiness still surges whenever I gaze at her!
Love her soft silky baby hair!
Even more than her baby hair, I love seeing her with her big sister.
My life feels so different now.
I don't know what it is exactly.
Partly Baby Ada's birth and how wonderful it was.
Partly the fact that I have been blessed with two amazing little girls of my very own
Oh and partly the fact that I no longer feel pregnant sick. I am so, so, so glad to feel human again. I'd forgotten how wonderful it is.
I'm quite conflicted--I already have baby fever, I want to have more babies right this second. At the same time, I never want to feel that sick for months ever again in my life.
The constant nausea was exhausting, especially since I have a huge phobia of vomiting.
Every time I think about it though, I realize it's totally worth it. I'll do it all again, I'll complain about it, and then I'll get a great prize at the end of the 9 months of torture.
I am really enjoying the not-sick life though. Now that I'm feeling almost fully recovered from the birth, the not-sick is hitting me. Enjoyment!
I can EAT.
I only slept about two hours last night, maybe less. Rosie kept rolling around and sitting up in her sleep. The baby kept waking up and squirming every couple of hours because she either had to pee or she had already peed, and at one point she had to poop and I fell asleep holding her over the potty.
I don't care if she goes to the potty or uses her diaper at night. The thing is, she squirms and fusses instead of just using the diaper 75% of the time and that wakes me up. Then I can't get her to settle back down until I hold her over the potty. She takes about 5 minutes to relax and then she does her business, and she goes right back to sleep.
I on the other hand am totally exhausted...yet I can't sleep. Sometimes I doze, but I don't ever fall into a deep sleep.
Frustrating.
Anyway, this morning I woke up and made waffles with Rosie. I use this Alton Brown waffle recipe--it's half whole wheat, half unbleached white flour. I'm too lazy to link it here, but it's on the Food Network website somewhere. They are the most delicious waffles! Rosie was excited to help me cook.
I was just excited to eat.
We have ripe strawberries in our garden now. The slugs didn't get them like they have in previous years. We had the strawberries with the waffles for breakfast.
For lunch I had the rest of the shepherd's pie from the other day. Nom, nom, nom.
For supper Rosie wanted rotini noodles. She likes to eat just plain noodles, which I don't think actually contains any nutrients.
I sauteed chicken breast with an onion and two tomatoes in my beloved cast iron skillet. We ate that over the noodles. Rosie wouldn't eat any onions or tomatoes, but the tomatoes sort of coated the chicken. She said the chicken tasted good...
Rosie has become quite the picky pants during my pregnancy. She only wants crap food, go figure. It's because when I wasn't feeling well that's all we ate. She's lucky we even ate supper some nights, sad to say.
I hope she will come around to normal food again soon.
Tonight we went for a walk with friends from down the street. We hadn't seen them since I got pregnant. Not only was it wintery and gross out, but I was also too busy sitting in my house dry heaving to socialize. Rosie was THRILLED to see the two kids and to play with them. The little girl is 7, I think. A bit older than Rosie, and Rosie idolizes her. They held hands on our walk around the block.
We also met up with a new neighbor who moved in down the street right before I had Ada. She has a little girl who is two.
The good thing is that these two moms are both around my age. I have had so much trouble finding parents that are either my age, or my parenting style, or that have anything in common with me.
These other two moms are nice and they are in my peer group. I don't really care if they do things differently as long as they aren't offended by breastfeeding, etc. They both love their kids and that's good enough.
Plus, I am desperate for non-preschooler contact.
We planned to go to the park (actually the historical house grounds) around the corner on Sunday afternoon. Rosie is so excited! I hope it doesn't rain.
I could possibly have real friends. Rosie could have friends on our street to play with. This could be good.
I have a hard time making friends because I don't trust anyone. It's self defense I guess, after surviving childhood.
I spent so many years afraid to talk because I never knew when I would say the wrong thing, walking on egg shells at home...it became an ingrained habit.
I'm good at not revealing anything, in person at least. I'm much better at writing because the screen isn't going to freak out on me.
That was a random tangent.
My cake smells so good. Only a billion minutes until it's done...I need to go wash the cake stand thingy so I can flip the cake out of the bunt pan.
Oh but first I need to go check on my sleeping baby...I miss her.
I did it.
Do you realize that?
I nourished this tiny baby in my womb. Then I gave birth to her, all on my own.
As soon as she came out of me I scooped her up. My hands were the only ones that touched her.
No one took her away. No one interfered other than to offer words of joy and encouragement.
It was perfect.
She's perfect.
People won't stop asking if we've taken her to the doctor yet to see if she's healthy.
No, we haven't taken her to an office full of sick people to find out if she's in good health
Does she sleep well? Is she a good baby?
She nurses. She pees. She poops. And most of all she smells sweet, and I can't stop sniffing the top of her head.
What baby isn't a good baby, anyway?
People ask such silly questions.
All the time, since her first hours of life, she is like this:
A picture is worth a thousand words, right?
I don't know what to do with myself.
I'll never be the same again. No one warned me it would be like this.
So many women don't know what they are being cheated out of--this baby bliss.
So many women don't want to take the time to find out. Oh, but they don't know what they are missing...
Hello? Can anyone hear me? Is this thing on?
What he was thinking of, in fact, was the whales' songs. In the past the whales had been able to sing to each other across whole oceans, even from one ocean to another because sound travels such huge distances under water. But now, again because of the way in which sound travels, there is no part of the ocean that is not constantly jangling with the hubbub of ships' motors, through which it is now virtually impossible for the whales to hear each other's songs or messages. So fucking what, is pretty much the way that people tend to view this problem, and understandably so, thought Dirk.
Douglas Adams, The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
"We have a secret in our culture, and it’s not that birth is painful; it’s that women are strong."
— Laura Stavoe Harm
The tea parties in our house continue.
I've eaten so much wooden food, I'm going to be pooping mulch for weeks. My poor bum hole.
Rosie is still basking in the big sister glow.
Baby Ada loves the ring sling. Thank God. I was able to reclaim the kitchen sink today.
Tyler had been in charge of it for the past two weeks and it was nasty.
Really nasty.
Like...old food, standing water, mold, and dead bugs nasty.
In my kitchen.
Where I eat.
EW.
Ew, ew, ew.
It's all good now.
(By the way, that Green Works soap is actually not green...or all natural. It's chemical scented and has the same ingredients as regular soap! Tyler bought it to try, and it's gross. It smells terrible. The 7th generation soap is way better.)
Rosie always hated the ring sling as a baby. She much preferred the Moby wrap.
Well go figure, Ada hates the Moby and loves the ring sling. As long as she's happy...
Since I was able to get the sink back to sparkling white. I feel SO much better. Nothing is right when the sink is gross, the laundry is piled up, and the floors are dirty.
Tomorrow I just have to fold one load of clean laundry and vacuum...the vacuuming is a desperate situation similar to the sink. Yikes.
I'm so tired today. The baby woke up a million times last night. She kept peeing and pooping!
I seriously slept less than two hours total.
This morning my eyeballs felt like they were melting into my skull. I wish I could nap...the baby certainly naps plenty.
Oh well. I still feel so happy, even while dying from exhaustion. I still can't explain it.
I do wish I had someone to help me do stuff, but...
Tyler tries to help, he's just...well the dishes are a good example. He tries, I think, but it's like he does the most half-assed job possible. And what's worse, he doesn't seem to realize it.
I mean I appreciate his effort, but I can't figure out...I can't figure out a lot of things.
I've been asking him to let my chickens out in the mornings, but he can't seem to take them food and water unless I say specifically to give them both.
WTF?
I've been assuming he was feeding and watering, and he hasn't. It was like 85 degrees today when I went out and the poor things were parched!
He hasn't been making sure the dogs have water outside either, so they have been drinking the very smelly duck pool water. (I need to clean it out BADLY.) This gives the dogs diarrhea and farts that reek like smelly fermented duck shit. It's so terrible.
I really have to get back to doing all of these things myself, poor creatures. I swear I normally take great care of all of them. It's my morning routine and I honestly enjoy doing it.
Being exhausted and penned down by the baby is a bit frustrating when I suddenly realize all of the things that aren't getting done, which is why I'm glad Ada loves the ring sling. She's going to be spending a lot of time in it!
I don't mean to talk bad about Tyler, because I know he tries. I'm just frustrated at not being able to get everything done myself.
Speaking of getting things done, I have to go lock up my chickens, get the girls to bed, and candle some eggs a hen abandoned...Tyler couldn't remember how long she'd been sitting on them...maybe I'll have to incubate them! Shhh.
Before I do that...despite housework and chore frustrations I'm still basking in baby goodness.
And in my lap right this second...passed out and ready for bed.
May we both sleep better tonight!
I'll leave you with this quote I just read. I want to save it, and here is a great place to do so.
"What keeps our faith cheerful is everywhere in daily life, a sign that faith rules through ordinary things: through cooking and small talk, through storytelling, making love, fishing, tending animals and sweet corn and flowers, through sports, music, and books, raising kids up; all the places where the gravy soaks in and grace shines through. Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people."
-- Garrison Keillor
