5/14/2010

My life feels so different now.

I don't know what it is exactly.

Partly Baby Ada's birth and how wonderful it was.

Partly the fact that I have been blessed with two amazing little girls of my very own

Oh and partly the fact that I no longer feel pregnant sick. I am so, so, so glad to feel human again. I'd forgotten how wonderful it is.

I'm quite conflicted--I already have baby fever, I want to have more babies right this second. At the same time, I never want to feel that sick for months ever again in my life.

The constant nausea was exhausting, especially since I have a huge phobia of vomiting.

Every time I think about it though, I realize it's totally worth it. I'll do it all again, I'll complain about it, and then I'll get a great prize at the end of the 9 months of torture.

I am really enjoying the not-sick life though. Now that I'm feeling almost fully recovered from the birth, the not-sick is hitting me. Enjoyment!

I can EAT.

I only slept about two hours last night, maybe less. Rosie kept rolling around and sitting up in her sleep. The baby kept waking up and squirming every couple of hours because she either had to pee or she had already peed, and at one point she had to poop and I fell asleep holding her over the potty.

I don't care if she goes to the potty or uses her diaper at night. The thing is, she squirms and fusses instead of just using the diaper 75% of the time and that wakes me up. Then I can't get her to settle back down until I hold her over the potty. She takes about 5 minutes to relax and then she does her business, and she goes right back to sleep.

I on the other hand am totally exhausted...yet I can't sleep. Sometimes I doze, but I don't ever fall into a deep sleep.

Frustrating.

Anyway, this morning I woke up and made waffles with Rosie. I use this Alton Brown waffle recipe--it's half whole wheat, half unbleached white flour. I'm too lazy to link it here, but it's on the Food Network website somewhere. They are the most delicious waffles! Rosie was excited to help me cook.

I was just excited to eat.

We have ripe strawberries in our garden now. The slugs didn't get them like they have in previous years. We had the strawberries with the waffles for breakfast.

For lunch I had the rest of the shepherd's pie from the other day. Nom, nom, nom.

For supper Rosie wanted rotini noodles. She likes to eat just plain noodles, which I don't think actually contains any nutrients.

I sauteed chicken breast with an onion and two tomatoes in my beloved cast iron skillet. We ate that over the noodles. Rosie wouldn't eat any onions or tomatoes, but the tomatoes sort of coated the chicken. She said the chicken tasted good...

Rosie has become quite the picky pants during my pregnancy. She only wants crap food, go figure. It's because when I wasn't feeling well that's all we ate. She's lucky we even ate supper some nights, sad to say.

I hope she will come around to normal food again soon.

Tonight we went for a walk with friends from down the street. We hadn't seen them since I got pregnant. Not only was it wintery and gross out, but I was also too busy sitting in my house dry heaving to socialize. Rosie was THRILLED to see the two kids and to play with them. The little girl is 7, I think. A bit older than Rosie, and Rosie idolizes her. They held hands on our walk around the block.

We also met up with a new neighbor who moved in down the street right before I had Ada. She has a little girl who is two.

The good thing is that these two moms are both around my age. I have had so much trouble finding parents that are either my age, or my parenting style, or that have anything in common with me.

These other two moms are nice and they are in my peer group. I don't really care if they do things differently as long as they aren't offended by breastfeeding, etc. They both love their kids and that's good enough.

Plus, I am desperate for non-preschooler contact.

We planned to go to the park (actually the historical house grounds) around the corner on Sunday afternoon. Rosie is so excited! I hope it doesn't rain.

I could possibly have real friends. Rosie could have friends on our street to play with. This could be good.

I have a hard time making friends because I don't trust anyone. It's self defense I guess, after surviving childhood.

I spent so many years afraid to talk because I never knew when I would say the wrong thing, walking on egg shells at home...it became an ingrained habit.

I'm good at not revealing anything, in person at least. I'm much better at writing because the screen isn't going to freak out on me.

That was a random tangent.

My cake smells so good. Only a billion minutes until it's done...I need to go wash the cake stand thingy so I can flip the cake out of the bunt pan.

Oh but first I need to go check on my sleeping baby...I miss her.