Friends

It was my daughters 21st a couple of months back but she only had her party last weekend.  I have to admit to being a reluctant attendee.  I didn't want to go into a situation where people who want nothing to do with me would be.  I have seen no one from my previous married life as some of you who have been following this blog for a long time would know.

So I was apprehensive, scared and had a hard time relaxing.  I gave a couple of good speeches at my two son's 21sts a few years back (even if I do say so mself) but I went to this one totally unprepared and I was thinking the whole time about what I might say.  In the end it didn't happen and I regret that, not that it was totally my fault.

I left the venue to go and guide my sister in because she had gotten lost and when I walked back in the speeches were already being made so I sort of hung around at the back in a cowardly way.

The party was held late for my daughter and early for a friend of hers.  These two have known each other all their lives and been great mates for a long time, so here's what I would have said.

Young ladies, you move now from what was once considered childhood into formal adulthood.  It's an artificial line in a lot of ways, you can already vote and drive a car and drink legally.  I remember when I turned 21 that I believed I was already pretty old and wise.   Foolishly really, because the years since have taught me many lessons and as all parents know it is not an easy thing to pass those lessons on to their children.   But I'm going to try and do that now.

You two have been great mates.  You've laughed and cried together, enjoyed ach others company and been sick of it at times, squabbled occasionally but been there for each other when you have needed to be.   Never, ever, forget that.

There will be times in the rest of your lives when you need friends, when you need to have someone to confide in, or just a mate to share a burden occasionally.    Give each other a shoulder to cry on when it's needed, hold out a hand and support each other in the hard times, and delight in the joys that are yet to come, your marriages, your children, the many other occasions you will share throughout the rest of your lives.

But know also that you need to work at it.  It's easy to lose friends.  It's easy to forget and maybe not forgive alleged wrongs.  Promise me that if that distance starts to creep in that you'll work at keeping it at bay.  That doesn't mean you have to live in each others pockets, just remember to remember the other one.

Twenty one is called your majority but it's only the first step of that adult roller coaster we all go through.   It's always better to share the good times and bad with your friends.